My name is Mimi and I am a spiritual/personal/self-development addict. I have been clean of online seminars and books by Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Caroline Myss and dozens of other spiritual improvement gurus for two weeks. In other words, I am in the frantic throes of withdrawal.
My addiction started over ten years ago with a harmless book by M. Scott Peck called A Road Less Traveled. It was OK, but I didn’t even make it all the way through that one. Too boring. I moved on to The Celestine Vision by James Redfield because who doesn’t like a good story? Only, stupid me! I thought the trip to Peru and the ancient manuscripts were real. My mom had to tell me it wasn’t. Then I had to pretend I knew that all along. What a dork.
Despite that embarrassing start, I was hooked on all things deliciously different.
This was a whole new weird world and I knew I belonged in it somewhere. And for some strange reason it seemed my mother was pushing me toward it also. Why else would she give me Gary Zukav and Wabi-Sabi books and silver bracelets that say “Be in the moment”? Why would she loan me her copy of Brian Greene’s The Hidden Reality if she wasn’t interested in alternate multiple universes and realities herself? (although she will never admit it).
Soon I was hitting all the library book sales for new material because that’s where everyone dumps the books they don’t want anyone to see in their homes. I picked up The Emerging DreamHealer by Adam at a library sale, plus The Purpose of Your Life by Carol Adrienne and The Dance by Oriah Mountain Dreamer. These were OK. They fed me, but being the pig I am, I wanted more. I needed something stronger. Weirder. More sciencey. Messages From Your Angels by Doreen Virtue wasn’t going to cut it, although it’s a fun read in the bathtub.
It was on to The Intention Experiment by Lynne McTaggart and Miracles of Mind by Russel Targ. Finally some real science to make me feel less flakey. Then I got mixed up with some weirdo self-published stuff and found The Infinite Concept of Cosmic Creation by Ernest L. Norman (waaaayyyy out there). I traded up for The Dancing Wu Li Masters by Gary Zukav. Over my head at the time, but the title drew me in.
Finally, I moved forward to tackle a Deepak book, The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire and at last I realized what abundance really means. In fact, I am abundant with his books, especially The Book of Secrets since I inadvertently bought two of them. Things were definitely shifting in my head.
By this time I started a list of all the books I had accumulated, read, loved, or threw under the bed out of sheer disgust. I am at about 75 books. I figure I could have written my own spiritual and self-improvement book by now.
After all, isn’t that what addicts do? Write their memoirs?
It’s two steps forward, one back in this cosmic world of never-ending publications. There are a thousand ways to shift your consciousness and for some reason, I crave every single one of them.
My life coach (yes, I had one) encouraged me to just stop cold-turkey and come clean. Admit this is all just an obsession with fear and procrastination. Is that what I am doing? So fearful and weak-willed I am putting off my life? What if this is my life? Somehow I feel comfortable here. Like these are my peeps.
Ever since I was a child I felt called to all things alternative, never feeling like I quite fit in anywhere else. I kept quiet about it of course. Ideas of multiple levels of being and consciousness are still not accepted in many places. Am I procrastinating? Am I fearful? Am I hiding behind my new copy of The Untethered Soul?
The cravings come and go now. Maybe I’m not a self-development junkie. For a few weeks I’ll be happy with reading The New Yorker and the latest David Sedaris book. But then, along comes a cool evening and I can’t wait to be done with the dishes so I can snuggle up with Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements or peek into The Science of Miracles by Gregg Braden.
Maybe this is my world and I just have to come out of my cosmic closet. And maybe I am just waiting for the right moment to come clean.